Why am I never enough?
You said you wanted to marry me. How perfect we were for eachother. Was that a lie? You told me i could always trust you. And you made a point to say youd never cheat on me. I did everything you asked and more. Was that all for nothing. Maybe I should have told you how in love with you I actually was. Maybe then you’d still be mine. Please don’t be the one that got away. who could ever treat me as well as you did. I haven’t eaten in two days. Remeber when you would always make me top ramen and youd call me crazy cause id put hot sauce in it. I get sick to my stomach every time I see the tulips hanging on my wall. When I do my hair, how I remember you like it curly. When I put on my clothes, you liked those boots and you like my style. My makeup, you commenting my long eyelashes. You like my white bra and my black underwear. You like when i sing to you. When I look into the sky all I see is the star you named after me. My bellybutton, all the rings you bought for me. My coffee, ythe cup that says aquarius even though im a taurus but you still got for me because you know I love the little mermaid. You’re mom whispering to me that she hoped we’d make it. I still hope we do. My phone filled with your pictures, text messages, game scores. Our list of thinGs to do in the future, not one marked off. Our list of movies to watch, only two marked off. All my favorite things, have your name imprinted all over them. 8 intense,passionate months leave me questioning. All for what? This? You need a break and I don’t get to know why. Why the person who is my whole world can’t be with me. I feel so lost, empty, heart broken, cheated, deceived, unworthy. I always knew you were too good for me. I knew you’d wake up a realize I’m not as good as you thought I was and leave. Everyone does, everyone. For once it would have been nice to have someone I care about stay. Just stay and love me half as much as I love them. But no. It’s fine really it’s fine, go ahead tell me you love me but you have to go. Make no sense at all but still don’t worry I’ll be fine. Sure I’ll cry and be hurt for awhile but eventually I’ll turn numb. I’ll find some other beautiful boy that looks just like you. Hell talk like you and walk like you but he’ll never be you. Maybe that’s a good thing though. Maybe I’ll be half as happy as I was with you, with him. And maybe that will be enough for me. Maybe ill have to settle for a a pinch of passion we shared. maybe youre as good as it was supposed to get. You walked out when I needed you most. If you loved me you wouldn’t do this. Being in Love doesn’t mean being together when its convenient.. It’s sticking together through everything. Something youve obviously shown you’re no good at. Leaving its what you do best, you never seem to stay in the same city for more than 2 years and I guess I shouldve taken a hint that no way was it possible that my love for you could make you stay. I miss you. So much. I’m wearing your t-shirt and your one sock. I can still taste your kiss. And feel you wrap your arms around me in this very spot. Why are you giving up on me. Am I not enough?
